Flashback Friday

This was the halloween right before I got pregnant with Jonathan. It was a "costume party" and my cousin was the cowardly lion. She tried at least. Not the best picture of us but it was good times.

11:11

Do you ever have moments that it just hits you how unbelievably important every second of your life is? Every little smile, hug, kiss, hello, goodbye, tantrum, and laugh is sooo important. Do you ever sit back and think "Hmm I am so glad that I got to experience that?"

I read a lot of blogs. I find myself glued to the ones where someone has gone through something I can not and do not ever want to imagine, and that person still has faith.

I am not sure what made me want to write about this today but I know that I can honestly say that I am so thankful for every thing that happens in my life. There are good times, bad times, ok times, and times that just seem unbearable. But I would not trade it in for anything. I know I complain about stress and irritation, but in reality I am thankful that I am here to experience it.

There is so much in life that we take for granted. We never know when our last breath, kiss, hug, smile, "I love you", or just a simple gesture is. At any given moment it can all be taken from us...

As I sit here and stare at my clock it says 11:11. Time to make a wish. All I wish for is one more second to spend with the ones I love. If I get that, then I have nothing to be unsatisfied about.

9 Weekends left...

WooHoo! Another weekend down... 9 more to go! Yep thats right... NINE more weekends until I said "I do" to the man I love.

Truly I can't wait. I know I complain a lot about the wedding planning but that's because I always wanted something small. His family would have none of that of course but I know that it will be so worth it in the end. I can't wait to walk down the aisle to him and see his smiling face... I get butterflies thinking about it.

Speaking of walking... I got my shoes this weekend and I must say I LUFF them! I mean they are the OH MY GAWD kind of cuteness I needed to give me a pick me up... and the crazy thing?? They were only $20! I am so serious! the lady bought them for her wedding but they were too tall for her short little hubby so she had them still in the wrapping plastic and box. I thought I was going to pass out when I saw them and she told me the price... I will post a pic once I get home!

We still have a TON left to do but ya know what... It is Oh So worth it! I mean I get to marry this guy...

Lol that happens to be one of our engagement pictures by my lovely Aunt... yep he was tossing me in the river... But seriously he loves me. I promise!

When I told him we were 10 weeks away the look on his face was priceless. I have seen many men act so nervous about their weddings. But nope not my love, he was all smiles and excitement. I could tell he truly is happy. There are no doubts, reservations, confusion, or second thoughts. I am so ready to be married!

Ok enough sappy stuff... My little man and I recently had our first run in with Chipotle. Brandon has been raving about this place for umm yea well forever. I never liked it after the first time I went a long time ago... I think I ate a PIECE of rice and hated it... So I tried it again this weekend and this is Jonathan's reaction :

then we wen to the pool and he apparently had to pee:

And this is why I thank God everyday that I wakeup and get to spend it with the ones I love.

MY wedding dress.

Here is my wedding dress. This is actually my second dress as my first one was destroyed by my cat... When I tried my first gown on no one cried but I loved it. When I went shopping for this one... My mom cried. Like a baby. I did too. This is the day that I picked it up and I was looking at the train as my friend was taking the picture...

Flashback Friday

This was my senior prom picture with my ex S you know the one I posted about here. Needless to say this was at the better time in our relationship... this was in 2004.

Potty time

Why does potty training have to be so difficult?

Seriously. Jonathan has been telling us lately when he has to go pee. We take him to the potty and he goes no problem. He started this himself we didn't try to do it... But now he takes his diaper off. He has done it several times in the past week. Last week he made a horrible mess of it and I was too dumbfounded to even think about what to do. Brandon just found him taking his diaper off again.

I need tips on what to do at this stage? I mean he can't talk very well yet so we don't have that communication but he does show us when he has to go... I just feel a little lost.

Ok thats! It is absolutely ridiculous the crap the you go through planning a wedding! On top of school and work, and potty training. Actually Jonathan started on his own. He woke us up because he wanted to go in the middle of the night and has done so a few more nights this week.





But anyways...





My bridesmaids are driving me nuts! Seriously! First they couldn't choose any dresses then when they finally did my sister wouldn't get her butt on board and order her dress. Now the color THEY picked out... THEY don't like! It is driving me nuts... Seriously!!!!! Oh and I found a new product I L~O~V~E


YUP! I am totally ADDICTED to this stuff. Seriously. It makes my eyelashes absolutely GORGEOUS!

Sometimes its a kick in the face.

Ya know those nosey people that always have something smart to say to you? And I don't mean smart as in intelligent but like sarcastic? Or those people that always have some kind of opinion that they think is right? Well I got to deal with on of those recently.

I was talking to a group of people, not necessarily my friends so much as people I know. I was telling one girl about Jonathan's dedication at my church when another loud mouthed snot decided it was time to chime in saying "Don't you think you should leave that option to your son to decide when he gets older?"

Well No actually I don't. I think that it was MY decision to make about whether or not I wanted to dedicate my son to the lord and to raise him believing in God. It was MY decision to dedicate him and make my promise to do my best in providing him with a community that loves him and cares for him and wants what's best for him and has the same beliefs as me. It IS my decision whether or not I want to teach my child or children about God and if you don't like it then thats your choice but I am doing what I know is right.

Now I understand there are people that don't believe in God, that don't practice my religion, and who do have different beliefs and I am not saying that those people are wrong. Its just not what I believe. My fiance was one of those people when we met. Until I introduced him to my Pastor he had a hard time developing a relationship with the Lord. Mostly because he didn't understand the word of God and no one took the time to show him. He wasn't given a choice growing up about what he wanted to believe. So know that he is older he is finding that religion is necessarily complicated. I am proud to be able to introduce to him a different relationship with God that he wouldn't have necessarily found on his own. I am simply offering my son the same.

There are people that think it should be each persons own decision to do so. Fine. When Jonathan is older he can and will decide for himself what he believes. Until then he will have my influence. I won't apologize for praising my Lord and savior to him. I won't apologize for believing that he is my heavenly father. I won't apologize for my religion.

It irks me that people think that their opinion of religion should count to everyone. It doesn't. If you don't choose to practice religion, or you just don't believe in my God, or you have whatever beliefs you have... What makes you any more right or wrong than me? Who are you to judge me? My mother had me baptised when I was 6 weeks old. I am thankful she did because when I was teenager I was baptised again 2 months before I was in a near fatal accident that almost took my own life. I know that God was there for me. He was doing his work in my life. Just like he does to other people. I do not go around forcing my beliefs on anyone. I am entitled to believe what I want. So little miss lady with the mouthy opinion... Next time you think you want to tell me how to raise my child, maybe you should think about how you would raise yours.

OH. MY. GAWD! *I say Gawd because I can't use the lords name that way... just cant do it*

Anyways... I have 85 days until I say I do... 85 DAYS!

I am excited so please do not take this the wrong way. I just feel, well, I feel unprepared! Here is everything I have to do... Ok or what I remember at least *don't judge me*

1. Take Dress for alterations... ASAP

2. Take Invitations to Post Office to get postage amount

3. Mail out invitations

4. Get shoes

5. Get passport *Im really slipping on this one*

6. Get the materials for the programs for Brandon's mom

7. Get the stuff for our escort cards

8. Get the materials for the candy buffet

9. Order Jonathans tuxedo

10. Order the flower girls gifts.

11. Pay the florist!

12. Make final payment to the wedding venue

13. Pay the DJ

14. Talk to Becky about photography and what Pics I want

15. Make a playlist and DO NOT play list

16. Make a must have photography list.

17. Order Sid's tux

18. Buy wedding day lingerie

19. Set up nail appointment for the day before the wedding

20. Find makeup artist or figure out how to do it myself

21. Finalize babysitter info for Jonathan for the week of honeymoon...

22. Get Brandons passport taken care of

23. Get marriage license

24. finish premarital counseling.

25. Buy ring bearer pillow

26. Finalize proof for Unity candle bought here!

27. Talk to pastor about the ceremony times.

28. get the little lights for the centerpieces

29. Finalize the menu

30. Finalize rehearsal dinner situation

31. finalize hotel rooms for guests

32. Find containers or bags for candy buffet.

33. Get Jonathans shoes.

34. Get the rehearsal dinner dress.

35. Bridal shower

36. Bachelorette party/ Bachelor party

37. Get the butterfly pin for Shan's bouquet.

And about a thousand other things... How does anyone survive this?? Seriously? But it helps that I have this guy to support me:

My lovely randomness

O.M.G Someone has gotten me hooked on ETSY!!!

I have recently purchased this unity candle set:

In red and silver.

I am also seriously considering buying our programs and escort cards from there as well as our ring pillow!!

I am in love! Seriously... Anyways... I can't wait to go home and play with this little guy:

ABC's

A-Age: 23
B-Birth date: November, 29, 1985
C-Chore you hate: Laundry!
D-Dog's name: Well we don't have one but we are going to get one and name it ranger.
E-Enter or Exit: Enter..and make everyone's heads turn
F-Favorite color: Pink
G-Gold or silver: White Gold
H-Hair color: Brunette
I-Instrument: mmm guitar
J-Job Title: Administrative Specialist
K-Kids: Have One and want more
L-Living arrangements: With the loves of my life my fiance and my son
M-Monkey or Moose: Moose..
N-Nicknames: Shay, momma, Princess, snuggs
O-Odd thing about you: I can't stand to have someone standing behind me on stairs... It freaks me out!
P-Pet Peeve: People who lie, backstab, and theres a few others
Q-Quote from a movie: "Alright that'll DO! I made a mistake coming here with you! I have heard of people faking orgasms but I have never actually witnessed it and it very deeply disturbed me." From forgetting Sarah Marshall
R-Right/Left Handed: Right handed
S-Siblings: a younger sister and a younger brother
T-Time you wake up? I get up at 5 am
U-Underwear: mmhmm I wear em
V-Veggie you dislike: PEAS!!! I can not stand them! Oh and Celery YUCK!
W-What makes you run late: My son
X-X-Rays: My hip, my knee, my foot and my wrist...
Y-Yummy food you make: Baked Spaghetti, stuffed shells, tacos, chicken
Z-Zoo Animal: Koalas!

Yep that pretty much explains it.

I recently ran across a blogger that posted about being a southerner at heart. I couldn't help but add to her post you can find hers here,

Here are my reasons I am a southerner at heart:

I love, love, love Sweet sweet iced tea. I prefer it over any other drink.

I hate snow. Ok I don't hate it but I prefer that it only sticks around for a short time.

I love southern values. In the south family is most important and old fashioned values are basically how I was raised.

I don't mind the heat. Now at night time I love me some A.C. but during the day I love being outside in the sun.

I say y'all. ALL. THE. FREAKIN. TIME.

I think that southern hospitality and the manners most southerners possess are absolutely perfect!

I absolutely adore! the charming southern places. Especially South Carolina and Georgia!

I love down home foods like collard greens and fried chicken. I don't care if fried chicken is bad for you. Give me some thick gravy to go with it! MMMMMM!!

I know Virginia is kind of on the fence but the way I was brought up was nothing above being southern.

Well Parenting isn't for everyone

So I have obviously been M.I.A. Not that there are so many of you that it is a big deal but still...

Anyways, my life has been a little more than hectic. Almost chaotic but not over the top yet...
With our wedding about 3 months away and almost NOTHING done *ok thats not true but I still feel like that* and everything else to deal with, I just felt overwhelmed.

I found out my Maid of Honor is going to be 6 months pregnant at my wedding. I had to track down and beat my sister to death to get her to comply and buy a dress. And I am starting school in July. All of this happened with the blink of an eye.

I have been working more than usual at work and spending less time with my baby boy so he is acting out (or at least thats what I am blaming his rambunctious behavior on). He has become this screaming little banshee that runs around acting like a nutjob from the 4th floor at the local hospital (thats where they keep our crazies). Now not only do I get to get showers and baths with toys floating around I also find cups, plates, a hair brush, a house key, and some other object that undoubtedly came from something important, in my tub. I have more sip cups than I am even sure what to do with and my little technician has managed to take them apart and lose the little plastic/rubber thing that goes in the lid to keep them from leaking... We are potty training because he hates wearing a diaper but he refuses to use his potty for anything other than dumping said sip cups into the little bucket thingy. I came in to find that he had a nice combination of milk and apple juice waiting for me. MMM yummy!

I had to fire my babysitter because well... She just wasn't cut out for the job. She was a great friend of mine but after she gave birth to her little girl she must have lost her mind. And while I am very sympathetic to new parents because I know that it is difficult, I will not allow someone to hit my child. NO ONE! NOT. EVEN. ME! So needless to say when I got to anonymous reports from different people of her spanking him for wanting to take a nap... I let her go. I handled myself pretty well considering. I did not accuse her of it I asked her about it. She told me that yes in fact she had spanked him because he wanted to go to his crib to take a nap and since she wasn't ready to put her baby down she wouldn't allow him and when he got mad she spanked him. I asked if he had done something out of anger that required a spanking she said no he just whined (which toddlers do just look here for proof!). I told her that I do not parent my son by spanking him and therefor she should not either. Her response... Well parenting isn't for everyone now is it? Are you f-ing kidding me? I mean really?!

I told her to leave and now am one friend less. I can't believe that some people really think it is ok to hit a child... I mean HIT a child. She admitted it and didn't even seem phased by the fact that I was clearly pissed. I found out that she had also been smacking his hands when he used his fingers to push food on his fork. FOR HEAVENS SAKE HE IS 19 MONTHS OLD!!!!!!!! He has no idea how to properly use a fork. He is learning. He does a great job but still he needs some help with things like spaghetti noodles. I mean DANG! I am 23 years old and still have to use my finger sometimes!!!! The day that it all happened he literally had a mental break down. He was crying and freaking out all day and everytime I tried to do anything he was attached to my hip. So I knew that he was going through some weird stuff.

It broke my heart knowing that I had subjected my baby to that. I should have known better. I couldn't have because she was a great friend and a great stepmom to her stepson or at least I thought... Apparently I was wrong about that. And her....

Right now my brother is watching him for me. Jonathan loves his uncle so much and is doing well considering. It doesnt make it suck any less.

Finally 20 months later!

My friend finally sent me my maternity photos... she was a bit of a slacker don't you think?

And thank you for the Wonderful news!

I'll start by saying that yesterday was a rough day. Simple as that.

Brandon and I were on two different roads with everything. Jonathan was grouchy. I felt out of sorts and I was just beat.

I wake up this morning more tired than usual and get to work. Everything is normal at first. I called my doctor to schedule my annual OBGYN appointment (oh man i really love the people at THAT clinic *total sarcasm*) Anyways the nurse says "When was your last menstrual period?"

I look at my calendar and tell her "April 6th." She says "Uhh you do realize you are 23 days late right?" Me "Well yes but thats because I was on birth control and stopped taking it because I couldn't get rid of my migraines." Her:"Ok hold on I am going to get the doctor."

Doctor:"Hi shay how are you? How is Jonathan?"
Me:"We're good now what do you want?"
D:"Well since you haven't had your period in over a month going on two I'd like to ask a few questions."
ME:"I knew I shouldn't have called." and I laugh nervously.
D:" Have you been experiencing any odd symptoms like nausea, are you dizzy, fatigued, irritable, have you had heartburn or frequent urination."
Me:"Well yea, I mean I have a son and from what I hear they can also be the cause of dizziness(SP?) and fatigue and I am pretty sure the lack of any personal time can cause irritability. I mean for gods sake I went to get a hot bath and a freakin t-rex toy attacked me. I'm pretty sure he was trying to eat me!. And Heartburn well I don't know where the H that came from but it hasn't gone away in 2 weeks so yea."

D: Laughing at me at this point because as he said the t-rex cracked him up... Tells me "I think you should take a pregnancy test. If you would like to wait just wait until Tuesday and we will do it here."

Me:" Well alright then! You know you'd think after 26 months of dealing with you I would find you to be a little more comforting. but you aren't. you kind of suck at the comforting part."

D:"HAHA. I am going to take that as a compliment. No I want you to relax and rest. the nurse told me you have been being weak and not feeling a hundred percent. Are you eating right and sleeping ok?"

Me:"Do you really have to ask questions with obvious answers?"
D:"Ok I will see you tuesday."
Me:"Thanks for the wonderful news!"

Now just a little back ground info. this doctor is the same doctor who delivered Jonathan and who put me on bed rest at 27 weeks. And who loved picking on me whenever given the chance. So he understands my sarcasm and I understand his urge to irritate me. But seriously... lol

So until tuesday I will be freaking out about whether or not I am carrying a baby bean in me and now also freaking out about why my P hasn't shown up since April. I mean that Aunt flo can be a real biatch! I know that getting off of birth control could have cause it to take a vacay. But the fact that the Dr is freaking me out isn't helping.

Well thats what you get...

When faced with an old friend from high school my ex decided it was a good idea to tell her that he and I had broken up. She informed him that she had forgotten all about that we had even dated. So when she asked why we had broken up his response was "Well I cheated on her and she left me. Now she is getting married to another guy and she is really happy. But it sucks for me because I get to watch the person I love, marry someone else."

Her response was "Well thats what you get... What the hell did you think was going to happen?"

I don't know what that was so funny to me but it was. I guess she wasn't going to sympathize for him because she knew he deserved it.

Who are you again?

Friday was to say the least the second worst day of my life as a mom. Jonathan had surgery to relieve him of the cysts that were developing on his ear drum (the first was when he got RSV at 2 months old since he was a preemie).

First I wasn't allowed to feed my tyke after midnight and since I woke him up before the butt crack of dawn he was not a happy camper. So we make our trip to the surgical center to be there by 6:30am. We got there got him checked in. And then sat in the waiting room where he was tortured by other people sipping on their drinks and eating their morning snacks. Ok so they weren't doing it on purpose but still explain to a 19 month old why he can't eat and everyone else can. So anyways, we were called in pretty quickly to go over the routine with the nurse. She gave him some tylenol and put him in a little hospital gown and proceeded to hand me what i call a bubble suit. Then we were sent to the "play room" to wait until his doctor was ready. When the nurse came to call us up I was ready (or so I thought) they told me to put my cap on and then we were headed to the room where they were going to put him under. As soon as Jonathan saw a nurse with a mask on he freaked out. He started bawling which of course made me feel like Sh*t because well its my baby and I don't want to see him scared. One nurse said "Oh hes fine they all cry, its not a big deal." in a tone that made me want to snatch her up by her frizzy red hair that was peeking under her cap. I looked at her and said "Who are you again?"

Her reply was... "I am betty, I will be scrubbing the doctor before he performs the surgery. We are all here for your son"

Me:" Well Betty, I am sure you have been doing this for some time, but me well I have not. So excuse me for comforting my crying baby who happens to be terrified. But you're right all the other children have done this too and I should be comforted by that. Thanks."

Betty: "I just meant that he is ok yea hes scared but he will not even remember once we put him under"
Im sure at this point my look gave her the idea to shut the hell up but just to be safe I said
"Oh because THAT made me feel SO much better! Who hires people like you? think about who you are talking to and what you are saying for heavens sake... I am his mother, he is crying, and excuse me for being a little freaked out!"

I apologized for snapping and she said she understood. Im not sure she did but either way... Who the hell is she to tell me not to care that my son is freaking out. Anyways... his surgery went well and he is good to go now. Friday was a quiet day he was groggy and slept a lot. Saturday he was back to climbing on tables and jumping off the couch.

So there ya go!

I was sitting in my living room last night with Jonathan and my fiance. My little brother (he's thirteen but 3 times my size I swear) We were all discussing dinner and it got a little loud. I am the one who usually says "Calm down" to anyone who is getting loud or out of control.

Well last night Jonathan looked at us and said "momma say calm down!" Brandon and I were floored because well Jonathan is just learning to talk. He has a few words he says all the time ...
Bob, Momma, Dad, hi, no, blank (blankey), food, cup, bath, bad, bub, Debb, sid, dog, car, ball, cat, bed, nap, i love and you all seperately of course, I want, up. toy. So those are the ones we are used to... but when he got tired of hearing us he said "Momma say calm down." I thought I was gonna pass out.

When people are talking to much for him he walks over and pats them on their leg and puts his finger to his mouth.

Kids grow up too quick.

Perfectly Imperfect Mom

I am a perfectly imperfect mother...

I don't always give in when my child cries
I don't always make him eat the healthiest foods.
Sometimes I let him snack on junk food.
Sometimes he wears his shorts backwards because he puts them on that way.
He doesn't always listen.
I didn't read all the baby books out there
He did sleep with a binky until he was 16 months
I do tell him no
Sometimes I get frustrated
Sometimes I would like to run away screaming
I do like to get a hot bath without baby toys floating around me
Sometimes he stays up late with me
He does get to watch cartoons in the morning
And he has had a drink of Soda.... So that makes me imperfect
I don't know what Im doing all the time
I get confused about a lot of things with him
I freak out when he spikes a fever
Sometimes I hold him for a long time after he falls asleep just because I can
This all makes me an imperfect mother

But I also know every freckly on his little body
I know his favorite blanket and his favorite toy
I will sit an read his favorite book 15 times or more a day just because he wants to
I do bail out on my friends sometimes just to spend more time with him.
I melt when he hugs me and gives me sloppy kisses
I cry when I think I hurt his feelings or when I leave for work and he cries
I spoil him rotten with love and attention
I teach him about God and Jesus and how they love him and he should love them
He knows right from wrong

So I would rather be perfectly imperfect that a text book mother. I would rather spend everyday holding my son and hearing him giggle than be worried that I didn't follow what it says in the "What to expect in the first year books" I take pride in every little babbled coo or word no matter if he is saying what I think he is or not. I do not mind pulling out a toy or sipcup or anything that he stuffs in my purse for that matter. I have more often than not pulled out a binky from my coat pockets that he has placed in there almost as if to say "here mom have a bink on me" (get it... have a drink on me lol okok Im a dork) I love my son more than life itself and I know there is nothing wrong with that... I take pride in being perfectly imperfect.

I was supposed to do that?

I am a self proclaimed good cook. I love to cook food. I love baking, I love frying, I love it all. I take pride in being pretty good at what I do and I usually don't mess up recipes. That is until the fateful Rotisserie chicken came into my life yesterday...

I decided I was going to make a rotisserie chicken... I got all the stuff I needed for the sides and everything. I seasoned the bird and then placed it in our little rotisserie machine thingy (hey I claimed to be good at cooking not at the technical terms ok?) Well about 2 hours into it I am on the phone with my cousin and telling her about the AMAZING job I did and how yummy it smells.

She says "How do you do that? I hate it! I can't stick my hand inside of a dead chicken to get the giblets out..."

Me:"Ummm what giblets??"
Her:"You know the ones that come inside of it. some people eat them I don't. But you have to take them out either way"
ME:"Ummm can you hang on a sec?"
Her:"Yea why?? Whats wrong?"
Me: "Oh nothing" As I am fumbling with our oven gloves to get the chicken off of the rotisserie thing...
Me:"Uh ohh,,, OOPs"
I pick up the phone and she says:"You didn't take the giblets out did you?"
Me:"I didn't even know they had giblets... what are giblets?"
Her:"They organs I think."
Me:"Do you think it will be ok if we eat the chicken still? I took em out now."
Her:"I dont know..."

At this point Brandon walks in and says "mmmmm dinner smells good"
I try to play it off with him and tell him all about my preparations...
He of course said what did you do with the stuff that comes inside?
I said "Umm well..."
Brandon:"YOu did take them out right?"
Me:"I was suuposed to do that? Are you sure? I mean really who would think to stick their hand inside of that chicken to get stuff out?? Isn't that why we buy them already ready??? So we don't have to do disgusting stuff like that?"
Brandon:"Babe you truly are special... So where are we ordering from?"
Me:"Ill get the stuff to make some fajitas..."

Needless to say the next time I will check for the insides YUCK!

Just When you think its safe...

You read about another soldier dying. Or you watch a sad movie.

I know I have blogged a bit about the Army and my fears... and if you're tired of that then you should probably stop reading now. But there are a few things that I feel compelled to say.

The day I met Brandon, I knew that he was something special. The feelings we had for each other were almost instant. I never thought back then that over a year later we'd be considering life in the Army again. He always said he was done with it. I think I knew all along that wasn't true. I pushed the thoughts aside.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of questions and fears and happiness... But most of all they have been filled with Pride.

The more I watch and read and think about everything that could happen, the more freaked out I get. But at the same time I earn more and more respect for people serving in our military. I have spoken to my family and friends and people around me about him re-enlisting. Some were supportive. Some were completely against it. Some were indifferent.

I have been asked a lot of questions about how I feel.
Aren't you scared?
Are you mad?
What about when you move?
Do you think he should be doing this?
I wouldn't want my husband going overseas...
I wouldn't let Ray do that...

I want to say this now...
No matter how scared I am, not matter how hard it will be, I will be here supporting the love of my life throughout this. I know things are going to get hard. I know I will be scared, sad, worried, lonely, and maybe mad sometimes too. This is not something I "let" him do but something we both believe in. But I also know that I will be so proud of him.

I am terrified of the idea of him being deployed. I am terrified that the stories I hear about or read about men and women dying for our country will no longer just be stories. I am very scared of a lot of things. But I will also take peace in knowing that if God wants him he will take him.

I hear a lot of people bashing our military and those who serve it. I hear people complain about the war and how we shouldn't be there. But what I don't hear is those people saying "Those men and women are doing what I don't have the guts to do." Because when it comes down to it... thats really what a lot of people should be saying. Some people speak out of jealousy and some truly do not believe in what our country is doing. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I myself tend to voice mine... So for anyone else who wants to question my decision to support my fiance and the Army, just know that I am proud. Nothing will change that.

Did you really just say that?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you could totally tell they were against whatever it was that you were saying? Like you're sitting there telling them something you want to do for your future and they just give you a look. You know that look of OMG are you being serious? Well I recently have had a few of those conversations...

My Hubby~to~be has decided to Re-enlist in the Army. I am in full support of it (no matter how scary it is to me). Well as people began to find out they also began to tell me how I Should be handling this news. For instance My mother. She was SOOO Appalled at the idea that she blatantly said that I should leave him... Well hunny bee that isn't going to happen. Then his mother tried to play me against him. She actually tried to convince me that he shouldn't be doing this and that he is only doing it because I told him to. Wrong attempt there lady!

And then coworkers or my sister... Her response was by far my favorite (but only because she is the most ignorant out of everyone). My coworkers and I are pretty close. We all talk about our lives and things that happen and just pretty much everything. When they started finding out about they all give me these utter looks of disgust and disdain. But like I said my sisters reaction was by far my top one...

Me: So Brandon is re-enlisting in the Army soon.
H:WHAT?! How can you agree to that? I know you were pissed! I would be!
Me: Umm no actually I'm pretty happy. Of course I have concerns but I am excited and proud of him.
H:How can you sit here and tell me that? Are you being serious? UGH! If Ray EVER tried to do something like that I'd yank his leash and tell him NO!
Me: Well you and Ray definitely aren't me and Brandon now are you?
H:Just think about all the bad things he can do while hes away. He could cheat!
Me:Did you really just say that to me??
H:Yes I did. I don't even let Ray talk to his ex's I just don't trust them.
Me:Them as in who the ex's or Ray AND the ex's?
H:Both... But it doesn't matter. Aren't you mad that he is doing this all over again?
Me: Absolutely not! I am proud of him! I support him! And you're nuts about the ex thing.
H: Well at least you'll be single while he's gone...
Me:WTF?! I can't believe you would even say things like that. I mean are you really being serious? Or are you just trying to piss me off?
H: Why can't he find some other profession to do? Why does he want the Army to be his "career" (she used her fingers to make the quotation marks) What if he changes his mind about it being a career?
Me: And what do you propose he should do as a "career"
H:Well Ray is a plumber. I'm just sayin maybe you should tell him he can't. I wouldn't allow that.
Me: Wow you really are just that ignorant aren't you? I would NEVER tell him he CAN'T do something. I mean gawd!
H:Well maybe you're good and ready to be n ready to be a military wife... I would never want to.
Me: Well thats because you aren't me. I am ready to do whatever I need to do to be supportive of my husband... and as for him changing his mind about his "career" the reason that it would be considered a career is because you plan to do to that for a long time. Its not some short term thing that you get bored with and toss it aside.
H: i didn't mean to offend you. I was just tryin to figure out why you want to let him do it...
Me:I'm not LETTING him do anything. Im not his mother.
H:Ok. I still think its dumb what if he has to go to the hospital>
Me:Are you in kindergarten or something?? You sure sound like it.

Ok now I know that people do not have to agree with his decision. I never expected them too. But the next time some butt comes up and asks me "If I am supportive of the decision" or that I should tell him he can't i'm going to lose it. I don't understand why ANYONE would expect me to unsupportive of my Fiance. I mean im pretty sure that it says in the Bible that we are supposed to be... am I wrong?

Things just became different.

You know when you have that feeling that everything just changed? I mean like your life just flipped and is now going to go in a direction that you know nothing about??

Well I do! My fiance and I recently started discussing him going back in to the Army. I wasn't against it I just have a lot of questions about it. Some won't be answered until he actually re-enlists. When we first discussed it I told him how I felt about it and told him I would support him. And I will... But I think it REALLY just hit me that there is going to be so much that changes and I have NO control over any of it.

I know that life no matter where you are has things you can't control... but this is all new to me and nothing that I ever planned or thought about having as a future... I'm kind of freaking out about it. Now all of a sudden things that didn't affect me quite as much are now taking a huge space in my mind... like deployment, moving, and a ton of other things that I can't even decipher right now... I'm sure someone out there knows what I am talking about... I just don't know where to look. I do pray to God and I leave it in his hands that doesn't make me any less confused right now though

Life as an Army wife???

After yesterdays blog about our stupid argument I found out some interesting News. My hubby-to-be may be re-enlisting into the Army. He just got out last June and didn't want to re-enlist right away. Last night it became clear the he may be doing so right after our wedding.

It scares me. It excites me. It confuses me. But I support his decision no matter what it is. When we first started dating*a year ago today* he was in the army. But army life as a girlfriend and as a wife are different in most aspects. I didn't have to survive through a deployment. I didn't have to worry about him calling me because I saw hime when I wanted and talked to him when I wanted.

This all took me by surprise because I was under the impression that i was never going to happen. Any Army wives reading this?? If so got any advice for me???

Are you serious right now?

I'm not naive nor am I dumb. I know that relationships aren't perfect and I know there are going to be some stupid arguments... But does every single time we make plans with a certain friend have to be one of them?

Heres my case:

Brandon texts me to say "Hey Shahab wants to hang out this weekend. He wants to go out to dinner and then maybe get some drinks afterwards."
Me:"Ok that sounds good."
Brandon:"We can all three go to dinner and then you can go home and I'll hang out with him. I would love for you to come if you want to though"
Me:"OK? That made no sense... if you wanted me to come with why would you tell me I could go home after dinner?"
Brandon:" I Knew you wouldn't want to stay out all night."
Me:"Why do we have to stay out ALL night? Does that mean that you are staying the night there?"
Brandon:"We dont have to stay out all night if its going to be a problem. Ill just come home."
Me:"I never said that it was a problem I just didn't understand why I couldn't drive us home when everyone was ready to end the evening."
Brandon:"Why does this have to be an issue?"
Me:"This isn't an issue I am just trying to figure out what you are talking about."
Brandon:"We don't have to just forget it. We'll come home."
Me:"Brandon! What is your problem? I mean seriously right now? I just wanted to know why you were planning on staying the night I didn't care if you did I just wanted to know why."
Brandon:"I don't have to. I just wanted to. Its fun."
Me:"Ok then stay the night. Thats fine really. I don't care"
Brandon:"I said I wasn't going to stay the night."
Me:"Ok then don't stay the night. I don't care what you do I was only asking."
Brandon:"I have stayed it his house before and it was fun. I like going there and not having worrying about having somewhere else to be."
Me:"What the hell are you talking about now?"
Brandon:"I just don't want to have to be home by a certain time."
Me:"Have I ever given you a curfew? What are you five? I mean really grow up!"
Brandon:"I just don't want to feel like I have to be home early."
Me:"Brandon are you really being serious right now? I have NEVER told you, you had to be home by a certain time. I mean really. Stop being stupid about it."
Brandon:"There are going to be times I just want to go out without you."
Me:"OOOOH OMG are F-ing kidding me? I never ever make you take me anywhere. I like going out with my friends too remember?? When have I EVER told you that you couldnt? have I ever made you feel like you HAD to take me? "
Brandon:"No im just saying... I just want to hang out and chill. I want you to come though."
Me:"Are you drunk right now?? Do you even think about what you're saying??? Please leave me alone until you grow up a little."
Brandon:" I don't have to go out and get drunk I was just gonna go out with him. he wanted you to come too we just didn't think you'd want to..."
Me:" I am not having this conversation right now. Actually Im not having it ever again it is soooo stupid. I dont care if you go out or stay out or come home or whatever. DO what you want. I am not going because you have completely ruined the idea for me. Something I usually enjoy would now suck because you have Mind f*cked me over this whole conversation."


I mean this is literally how our conversation went I typed it word for word... Something that should have been fun for both of us turned into something stupid...

Rainy days suck mom!

"It's raining, it's pouring, the booty boop is whining!"
That's my new song for rainy days. My 17 month old loves to be outside. And usually I do too. I usually open the back door and let him go (WE have a locked fenced in back yard) But today the rain prevented my adventurous outdoors loving tot from going out and this is the look I got... "Puuhhhhlleeeasse mommy let me out?"


"pease pease pease look my truck is out there all alone!"

This is the look he gave me when he realized I wasn't letting him out. SO pitiful

He got over it quickly when he got a taste of his milk... (and maybe his favorite cartoon on tv too ok, ok, and a few teddy grahams Don't JUDGE ME! I'm not a bad mother I swear...)

This is his way of telling me he is mad at me.... Walking away.

Isn't it funny how I can remember having the same attitude with my own mother when she wouldn't let me out

Sorry Shay has stepped out for a moment...

Do you ever have times when you just feel out of it? I mean really out of it like where you can actually sit back and think about it and then say... "Wow I really wasn't quite with it was I?"

Lately that has been my state of mind. Everyone has been asking me about the wedding planning and I draw a complete blank. I can't answer anything not even something as simple as a date!! Whats wrong with me? I mean I used to be so, so, so with it! I could tell you everything you needed to know about the wedding, MY wedding, in the matter of a second. Now I'm just kind of like DUH! I literally sit there with a stupid grin on my face and I really have absolutely no idea what to say!

Or yesterday, My ex's current Gf called me to ask me where he was... My response of course was I don't know. Because I didn't. Well she then went into a really long conversation that lasted 15 minutes and all I remember from the entire thing is... "He's still stuck on you and I'm sick of it!" To which I replied "Well naturally. Of course." I don't remember anything else.

I also don't remember the conversation held with one of my bridesmaids about picking her up when all the girls go dress shopping. I mean I remember talking to her but I really don't remember what it was about. Its like my mind has put up a sign that says "Sorry Shay has stepped out for a moment, please come again soon."

It drives me nuts! I mean ME- A normally very organized, responsible person, who has a memory like an elephant.... ME I have completely stepped out of my own mind. Ok So the organized part can be better described as an organized mess but still I know where everything is even if no one else has a freaking clue. Leave me alone about it! A lot of good people are organized messes like myself... I'm sure of it!

Poor Brandon looked at me last night and asked me "Whats with you? Are you feeling ok?" I couldn't figure out what he was talking about. He told me that I keep forgetting little things like if I asked him to call his cousin for me about the hotel rooms when he claims he has told me several times that he has... Ok if you say so! I can't even remember taking my birth control. I mean I look at the pack and see the pill missing for the day and don't remember even touching it.

I am hoping that one day soon I will be back to my normal witty self until then I guess I will just sit quietly and smile at people, hopefully that will get me by.

The little things matter the most...

I just wanted to start by saying the little things in life are what make me the happiest. A peck on my cheek in the middle of dinner from my fiance, or a hug from my son. Little things that some people don't pay attention to are what matter so much to me. Today my son brought me two daffodils that he picked. It was the first time hes ever done that and it made my day...



This was after I came out of the laundry room to find this...


He had dumped our cat food out all over the kitchen floors that I had just spent an hour steam cleaning the heck out of.... but with a face like this....




I couldn't be mad at him. Instead I laughed and hugged him as he giggled at what he had done. I admit it was funny.



My favorite things in life are the smallest ones. They are the many blessing that God has given me and which I am thankful for... So if you're ever feeling blue just stop and think about what little things bring you...

Randomness but I'm thankful

Sitting back last night I was thinking about how blessed I am. I have been reading blogs on Jonah and a few other children who are struggling through life right now and it makes me feel so blessed that I have a healthy baby boy who I do get to come home to. He isn't sitting in a hospital suffering through medical procedures and pain.

God has given me so much and I have so much to be thankful for. I feel spoiled because I have an amazing fiance who loves me very much, and I have an adorable son who lights up my days. Yes they both drive me nuts and life isn't perfect but I have it easier than a lot of people do. And if any of you are reading this, I keep you in my prayers and I think about you all the time. Its amazing how someone you don't even know can have an impact on your thoughts.

Things I could HATE.

I want to start by saying I do not hate anyone. I have strong dislikes for the behavior of people but I do not hate the person. That being said there are a few things I have come to know that I COULD hate and some things that I DO hate.

I could hate it that people try to give me advice even when its unwelcomed. But I also understand that they are usually just trying to help.

I do hate it when people are stuck on themselves or conceited. Its disgusting when someone constantly thinks so highly of themselves that they always talk about it. There is a difference between being confident and having a high self esteem level and being straight up conceited.

I hate it when someone agress to a plan and then turns around and all of a sudden has a bunch of prerequisites or terms.

I hate it that people no longer care about how they treat others. You may think you're being nice but sometimes the things you say come off really mean or snotty.

I realize this sounds very childish but there is just a lot on my mind and I needed to get it off.

One of those days...

Have you ever just had one of those days that just don't seem to work out?

Take yesterday for example...

I literally felt like I was on my deathbed but somehow managed to wake up and function like a normal adult. I came to work only to find out that my loving boss had left a weeks worth of work to do that HAD to be done in a matter of a day. I get a call reminding me to start looking for a new dress (this is a whole story in itself) And on my way home found out that I now have to look for a new Daycare provider for my son.... Because his Grandmother has a new job....

The only thing I wantedt o do was go home snuggle up and sleep. I think I deserve at least that much right? NO! The second I slip into my comfy clothes the doorbell won't stop ringing I get a gazillion text messages, and its almost time for my fiance to get home...

I should have just stayed in bed all day and let yesterday just pass by me.

But I Kinda Sorta have a WEDDING TO PLAN!

Ok... So the past few days I have been anything but hot. I have had a fever and chills and my whole body hurt. I had to leave work early Tuesday and Stayed home yesterday. Went to the doctor only to find out that what I have is going to keep me off my feet for a few (are you ready for this???) MONTHS! He told me I need to rest for the next few months just to be sure that my body heals correctly and gets over this thing completely.

My response... "Um yea about that... I Kinda sorta have a wedding to plan in about 6 months. I can't take time off now These next few months are critical!!"
Doctor says: "Right critical and STRESSFUL. Your body can't handle it. You need to not stress out. Rest is the most important thing..."
ME:"UGGGGHHHHHH"
Doctor:"Have your fiance help."
Me:"HA! He can't even decide what songs he doesn't want played let alone anything else!"

I could see there was no point in arguing with him so I just dragged my defeated sorry little self home and pouted. I thank god that my Maid of Honor is so freaking sweet because she is going to be the biggest help with this stuff.

TOTALLY TRUE!

Things that change when you have a baby
1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.
3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices
.4. You respect your body ... finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago
.9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11. Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.
16. You discover how much there is to say about one tooth.
17. You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth.
18. You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have.
19. You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers.
20. You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night.
21. Silence? What's that?
22. You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having.
23. You discover an inner strength you never thought you had.
24. You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule.
25. You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one.
26. Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog.
27. You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late.
28. You learn that taking a shower is a luxury.
29. You realize that you can love a complete stranger.
30. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place.
31. If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, now you do!
Do any of you Mom's out there have any ones that you can think of????

Sure go ahead and tell me what you think...

Have you ever noticed how many people there are that are so willing to tell you what they think you should be doing as opposed to what you are doing? I have and I have to tell you it's ANNOYING!

Ever since I became engaged and started planning our wedding (notice the italic font on our) everyone and their mother seems to think that its ok to voice their usually obnoxious and unwelcomed opinion. I usally here things like "Oh gosh! You're so young! You should wait." Or "Do you even know how to run a household?" to which I usually reply "Well you're absolutely right! Ha! What was I thinking? I mean geeze I'm only 23 years old and have a one year old, but you're right... I've never washed a single dish, done a load of laundry or paid a single bill by myself. " To which people usually say "Really?" And I at that point want to slap them and all the while I'm thinking "What the bubble? Really?? Of course I've done dishes and paid bills and don't even get me started on the freaking laundry!" I may be no Betty homemaker but I have and can run my own freaking household!

I can not stnad how every single ( and I mean the ones who aren't married) all of a sudden want to tell me how stupid it is to have a big wedding. I am normally thinking in the back of my mind that they are jealous. Or the married ones who think that I should for some ungodly reason mimic everything they did for their wedding. Sure I'd love to have my bridesmaids wear big fluffy cupcake thingys and wear bonnets they'd love that! Gag me! PLEASE! I get even more frustrated when I say "Oh I like this idea" and someone immediately says "No you don't!" Well yes, yes I do actually but thank you for telling what to think. Don't get me wrong sometimes advice is welcomed and appreciated but I'll ask for it when I need it. Until then SHUT THE BUBBLE UP! (Please ignore any and all uses of the word bubble. I am currently displacing all curse words in my vocabulary with it as my one year old is now picking up EVERYTHING we say.)

Another point is when I allow my son to have anything with sugar in it and all of a sudden some sugar nazi comes out and thinks that this is for some reason supposed to be forbidden. I was cruising through the mall with my tot in his stroller and let him have a sip of a frozen lemonade that I had, and this total stranger looks at me and says "I don't think he should have that."
I think I must have almost choked or something because she looked baffled at the shock on my face as I mustered out the words "Who the hell are you?"
She must have got the point because she apologized and then proceeded to say she would never let her kids have sugar so young. Well thank you lady I totally needed your advice to get me through this thing called parenting. RIGHT!

If I weren't such a bubbly person usually I think it would be so much easier to snap peoples heads off but it isn't that easy for me. I find it more and more difficult everyday to tell people off even when I know they totally deserve it. So from now on I am just going to smile and tilt my head and say "Sure go ahead and tell me what you think..." All the while knowing that I will have something witty to say right back.

Did I mention I have more blonde moments than Barbie?

Now I never claimed to be Albert Einstein. I don't think that I am dumb either. I do however, have more blonde moments than Barbie... I will explain.

As I was riding along with my loved ones into Washington, D.C. we passed the Jefferson Memorial. You know, the one that is standing up?? Well I look over and in all seriousness say "Hmm. I didn't realize they made Lincoln stand up." My boyfriend (at the time) with a dumbfounded expression looks at me and says "Shay... thats the Jefferson memorial, not the Lincoln." Everyone cracks up at me and all I can think of to say is "So you mean that poor man is still sitting?"

When having a serious discussion about capitals and things of that nature I make the comment... "Whats the capital of Chicago?" no one even takes the time to respond until my 8 year old cousin says... "Chicago isn't a state! And it isn't even the Capital of Illinois." Ok point taken...

I am one of the only people who will run into a chair and apologize to it. I run into Glass doors ALL the time.

Some people would be embarrassed but it makes me who I am... and what can I say? People love me.

Now where do I go from here?

The question was popped, the ring was gorgeous, and I managed to mumble out a meek "of course" I never knew the trials and tribulations that is wedding planning. i was about to find out and there was no telling how I would go from Newly engaged to newly wed in a mere 13 months.



Most little girls have their weddings planned from the time they get their first Barbie and Ken doll. Not this one. I went into wedding planning mode from the moment my fiances mother asked me what date we selected... This was ten minutes after he proposed. From that point on there was no turning back.



I quickly realized how much there was to do and how a time that once seemed so far away was no longer enough time to me. I had only 13 months to plan the perfect wedding... Or what I thought was everyone else's idea of perfect. It just didn't seem realistic.



Immediately (and I do mean immediately) I began looking for different options for wedding venues (thats another thing that threw me off but thats for a different post) We knew we didn't want your typical golf course wedding recpetion. We knew we weren't going for a hotel because we just didn't like that option(to this point I'm still not sure who didn't like it me or him??) So I set out for the right place with our date available.



Now with October 2009 being 13 months away I thought hey we have a little bit of time. Until I started calling around to different places to find out that October was apparently a popular month and everything books quicker... Ok fine then my planning process speeds up. Within 2 weeks of being engaged, I had dragged my poor fiance to what I thought was the "perfect" place. The Waterford in Springfield VA was exactly what we were looking for. It provided us a gorgeous ballroom, a top-shelf open bar, and amazing food. The price tag that came with this?? Perfect for what we were expecting to pay... We actually were blown away by the price comapred to what we had been told by other places. So we booked it... There we go got that out of the way.



Then came the dress... oh the freaking dress. First off I will warn anyone who is trying on a wedding dress for the first time... the dress sizes actually run smaller than normal sizes... Once again I repeat they run SMALLER! That means someone who normally wears a size 4 now can wear anything from a size to a size 8! I only warn you because well... I had a nervoud break down at first. I am sure the poor sales girl was ready to smack some reality into me after having to explain it to me three times that the dress was really in my size it was just a different number... Finally I calmed down long enough to try some dresses on... The first dress i tried on was one of my true favorites. It had everything I wanted but I've been told to continue looking "just in case" So after a few more gowns I still went back to the first one... I bought the dress and went home as happy as I thought I could be. One more task quickly out of the way...



All of this sounds all too easy right??? WRONG! As soon as I started thinking "Hey this wedding stuff really isn't that bad" is when someone from the wedding gods came blazing through and knocked me off my high horse. And that was the beginning of my crazy life that became wedding planning obsessed. I now find myself spending most of my time thinking about wedding things, little things that never mattered to me before are now driving me nuts, like a shade of red, the thought of my husband to be drinking the night before the wedding and coming to the ceremony hung over, and what type of candy should go into our candy buffet.



I have some how managed to tie into place everything that is necessary for the wedding such as, the florist, the dress, his ring, our cake, our photographer, our bridal party, the hotel we will be staying at. Our makeup artist. Our videographer. Our DJ and a few other odds and ends. Now my question is... Where do I go from here?