Just When you think its safe...

You read about another soldier dying. Or you watch a sad movie.

I know I have blogged a bit about the Army and my fears... and if you're tired of that then you should probably stop reading now. But there are a few things that I feel compelled to say.

The day I met Brandon, I knew that he was something special. The feelings we had for each other were almost instant. I never thought back then that over a year later we'd be considering life in the Army again. He always said he was done with it. I think I knew all along that wasn't true. I pushed the thoughts aside.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of questions and fears and happiness... But most of all they have been filled with Pride.

The more I watch and read and think about everything that could happen, the more freaked out I get. But at the same time I earn more and more respect for people serving in our military. I have spoken to my family and friends and people around me about him re-enlisting. Some were supportive. Some were completely against it. Some were indifferent.

I have been asked a lot of questions about how I feel.
Aren't you scared?
Are you mad?
What about when you move?
Do you think he should be doing this?
I wouldn't want my husband going overseas...
I wouldn't let Ray do that...

I want to say this now...
No matter how scared I am, not matter how hard it will be, I will be here supporting the love of my life throughout this. I know things are going to get hard. I know I will be scared, sad, worried, lonely, and maybe mad sometimes too. This is not something I "let" him do but something we both believe in. But I also know that I will be so proud of him.

I am terrified of the idea of him being deployed. I am terrified that the stories I hear about or read about men and women dying for our country will no longer just be stories. I am very scared of a lot of things. But I will also take peace in knowing that if God wants him he will take him.

I hear a lot of people bashing our military and those who serve it. I hear people complain about the war and how we shouldn't be there. But what I don't hear is those people saying "Those men and women are doing what I don't have the guts to do." Because when it comes down to it... thats really what a lot of people should be saying. Some people speak out of jealousy and some truly do not believe in what our country is doing. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I myself tend to voice mine... So for anyone else who wants to question my decision to support my fiance and the Army, just know that I am proud. Nothing will change that.

Did you really just say that?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you could totally tell they were against whatever it was that you were saying? Like you're sitting there telling them something you want to do for your future and they just give you a look. You know that look of OMG are you being serious? Well I recently have had a few of those conversations...

My Hubby~to~be has decided to Re-enlist in the Army. I am in full support of it (no matter how scary it is to me). Well as people began to find out they also began to tell me how I Should be handling this news. For instance My mother. She was SOOO Appalled at the idea that she blatantly said that I should leave him... Well hunny bee that isn't going to happen. Then his mother tried to play me against him. She actually tried to convince me that he shouldn't be doing this and that he is only doing it because I told him to. Wrong attempt there lady!

And then coworkers or my sister... Her response was by far my favorite (but only because she is the most ignorant out of everyone). My coworkers and I are pretty close. We all talk about our lives and things that happen and just pretty much everything. When they started finding out about they all give me these utter looks of disgust and disdain. But like I said my sisters reaction was by far my top one...

Me: So Brandon is re-enlisting in the Army soon.
H:WHAT?! How can you agree to that? I know you were pissed! I would be!
Me: Umm no actually I'm pretty happy. Of course I have concerns but I am excited and proud of him.
H:How can you sit here and tell me that? Are you being serious? UGH! If Ray EVER tried to do something like that I'd yank his leash and tell him NO!
Me: Well you and Ray definitely aren't me and Brandon now are you?
H:Just think about all the bad things he can do while hes away. He could cheat!
Me:Did you really just say that to me??
H:Yes I did. I don't even let Ray talk to his ex's I just don't trust them.
Me:Them as in who the ex's or Ray AND the ex's?
H:Both... But it doesn't matter. Aren't you mad that he is doing this all over again?
Me: Absolutely not! I am proud of him! I support him! And you're nuts about the ex thing.
H: Well at least you'll be single while he's gone...
Me:WTF?! I can't believe you would even say things like that. I mean are you really being serious? Or are you just trying to piss me off?
H: Why can't he find some other profession to do? Why does he want the Army to be his "career" (she used her fingers to make the quotation marks) What if he changes his mind about it being a career?
Me: And what do you propose he should do as a "career"
H:Well Ray is a plumber. I'm just sayin maybe you should tell him he can't. I wouldn't allow that.
Me: Wow you really are just that ignorant aren't you? I would NEVER tell him he CAN'T do something. I mean gawd!
H:Well maybe you're good and ready to be n ready to be a military wife... I would never want to.
Me: Well thats because you aren't me. I am ready to do whatever I need to do to be supportive of my husband... and as for him changing his mind about his "career" the reason that it would be considered a career is because you plan to do to that for a long time. Its not some short term thing that you get bored with and toss it aside.
H: i didn't mean to offend you. I was just tryin to figure out why you want to let him do it...
Me:I'm not LETTING him do anything. Im not his mother.
H:Ok. I still think its dumb what if he has to go to the hospital>
Me:Are you in kindergarten or something?? You sure sound like it.

Ok now I know that people do not have to agree with his decision. I never expected them too. But the next time some butt comes up and asks me "If I am supportive of the decision" or that I should tell him he can't i'm going to lose it. I don't understand why ANYONE would expect me to unsupportive of my Fiance. I mean im pretty sure that it says in the Bible that we are supposed to be... am I wrong?

Things just became different.

You know when you have that feeling that everything just changed? I mean like your life just flipped and is now going to go in a direction that you know nothing about??

Well I do! My fiance and I recently started discussing him going back in to the Army. I wasn't against it I just have a lot of questions about it. Some won't be answered until he actually re-enlists. When we first discussed it I told him how I felt about it and told him I would support him. And I will... But I think it REALLY just hit me that there is going to be so much that changes and I have NO control over any of it.

I know that life no matter where you are has things you can't control... but this is all new to me and nothing that I ever planned or thought about having as a future... I'm kind of freaking out about it. Now all of a sudden things that didn't affect me quite as much are now taking a huge space in my mind... like deployment, moving, and a ton of other things that I can't even decipher right now... I'm sure someone out there knows what I am talking about... I just don't know where to look. I do pray to God and I leave it in his hands that doesn't make me any less confused right now though

Life as an Army wife???

After yesterdays blog about our stupid argument I found out some interesting News. My hubby-to-be may be re-enlisting into the Army. He just got out last June and didn't want to re-enlist right away. Last night it became clear the he may be doing so right after our wedding.

It scares me. It excites me. It confuses me. But I support his decision no matter what it is. When we first started dating*a year ago today* he was in the army. But army life as a girlfriend and as a wife are different in most aspects. I didn't have to survive through a deployment. I didn't have to worry about him calling me because I saw hime when I wanted and talked to him when I wanted.

This all took me by surprise because I was under the impression that i was never going to happen. Any Army wives reading this?? If so got any advice for me???