I was supposed to do that?

I am a self proclaimed good cook. I love to cook food. I love baking, I love frying, I love it all. I take pride in being pretty good at what I do and I usually don't mess up recipes. That is until the fateful Rotisserie chicken came into my life yesterday...

I decided I was going to make a rotisserie chicken... I got all the stuff I needed for the sides and everything. I seasoned the bird and then placed it in our little rotisserie machine thingy (hey I claimed to be good at cooking not at the technical terms ok?) Well about 2 hours into it I am on the phone with my cousin and telling her about the AMAZING job I did and how yummy it smells.

She says "How do you do that? I hate it! I can't stick my hand inside of a dead chicken to get the giblets out..."

Me:"Ummm what giblets??"
Her:"You know the ones that come inside of it. some people eat them I don't. But you have to take them out either way"
ME:"Ummm can you hang on a sec?"
Her:"Yea why?? Whats wrong?"
Me: "Oh nothing" As I am fumbling with our oven gloves to get the chicken off of the rotisserie thing...
Me:"Uh ohh,,, OOPs"
I pick up the phone and she says:"You didn't take the giblets out did you?"
Me:"I didn't even know they had giblets... what are giblets?"
Her:"They organs I think."
Me:"Do you think it will be ok if we eat the chicken still? I took em out now."
Her:"I dont know..."

At this point Brandon walks in and says "mmmmm dinner smells good"
I try to play it off with him and tell him all about my preparations...
He of course said what did you do with the stuff that comes inside?
I said "Umm well..."
Brandon:"YOu did take them out right?"
Me:"I was suuposed to do that? Are you sure? I mean really who would think to stick their hand inside of that chicken to get stuff out?? Isn't that why we buy them already ready??? So we don't have to do disgusting stuff like that?"
Brandon:"Babe you truly are special... So where are we ordering from?"
Me:"Ill get the stuff to make some fajitas..."

Needless to say the next time I will check for the insides YUCK!

Just When you think its safe...

You read about another soldier dying. Or you watch a sad movie.

I know I have blogged a bit about the Army and my fears... and if you're tired of that then you should probably stop reading now. But there are a few things that I feel compelled to say.

The day I met Brandon, I knew that he was something special. The feelings we had for each other were almost instant. I never thought back then that over a year later we'd be considering life in the Army again. He always said he was done with it. I think I knew all along that wasn't true. I pushed the thoughts aside.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of questions and fears and happiness... But most of all they have been filled with Pride.

The more I watch and read and think about everything that could happen, the more freaked out I get. But at the same time I earn more and more respect for people serving in our military. I have spoken to my family and friends and people around me about him re-enlisting. Some were supportive. Some were completely against it. Some were indifferent.

I have been asked a lot of questions about how I feel.
Aren't you scared?
Are you mad?
What about when you move?
Do you think he should be doing this?
I wouldn't want my husband going overseas...
I wouldn't let Ray do that...

I want to say this now...
No matter how scared I am, not matter how hard it will be, I will be here supporting the love of my life throughout this. I know things are going to get hard. I know I will be scared, sad, worried, lonely, and maybe mad sometimes too. This is not something I "let" him do but something we both believe in. But I also know that I will be so proud of him.

I am terrified of the idea of him being deployed. I am terrified that the stories I hear about or read about men and women dying for our country will no longer just be stories. I am very scared of a lot of things. But I will also take peace in knowing that if God wants him he will take him.

I hear a lot of people bashing our military and those who serve it. I hear people complain about the war and how we shouldn't be there. But what I don't hear is those people saying "Those men and women are doing what I don't have the guts to do." Because when it comes down to it... thats really what a lot of people should be saying. Some people speak out of jealousy and some truly do not believe in what our country is doing. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I myself tend to voice mine... So for anyone else who wants to question my decision to support my fiance and the Army, just know that I am proud. Nothing will change that.

Did you really just say that?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you could totally tell they were against whatever it was that you were saying? Like you're sitting there telling them something you want to do for your future and they just give you a look. You know that look of OMG are you being serious? Well I recently have had a few of those conversations...

My Hubby~to~be has decided to Re-enlist in the Army. I am in full support of it (no matter how scary it is to me). Well as people began to find out they also began to tell me how I Should be handling this news. For instance My mother. She was SOOO Appalled at the idea that she blatantly said that I should leave him... Well hunny bee that isn't going to happen. Then his mother tried to play me against him. She actually tried to convince me that he shouldn't be doing this and that he is only doing it because I told him to. Wrong attempt there lady!

And then coworkers or my sister... Her response was by far my favorite (but only because she is the most ignorant out of everyone). My coworkers and I are pretty close. We all talk about our lives and things that happen and just pretty much everything. When they started finding out about they all give me these utter looks of disgust and disdain. But like I said my sisters reaction was by far my top one...

Me: So Brandon is re-enlisting in the Army soon.
H:WHAT?! How can you agree to that? I know you were pissed! I would be!
Me: Umm no actually I'm pretty happy. Of course I have concerns but I am excited and proud of him.
H:How can you sit here and tell me that? Are you being serious? UGH! If Ray EVER tried to do something like that I'd yank his leash and tell him NO!
Me: Well you and Ray definitely aren't me and Brandon now are you?
H:Just think about all the bad things he can do while hes away. He could cheat!
Me:Did you really just say that to me??
H:Yes I did. I don't even let Ray talk to his ex's I just don't trust them.
Me:Them as in who the ex's or Ray AND the ex's?
H:Both... But it doesn't matter. Aren't you mad that he is doing this all over again?
Me: Absolutely not! I am proud of him! I support him! And you're nuts about the ex thing.
H: Well at least you'll be single while he's gone...
Me:WTF?! I can't believe you would even say things like that. I mean are you really being serious? Or are you just trying to piss me off?
H: Why can't he find some other profession to do? Why does he want the Army to be his "career" (she used her fingers to make the quotation marks) What if he changes his mind about it being a career?
Me: And what do you propose he should do as a "career"
H:Well Ray is a plumber. I'm just sayin maybe you should tell him he can't. I wouldn't allow that.
Me: Wow you really are just that ignorant aren't you? I would NEVER tell him he CAN'T do something. I mean gawd!
H:Well maybe you're good and ready to be n ready to be a military wife... I would never want to.
Me: Well thats because you aren't me. I am ready to do whatever I need to do to be supportive of my husband... and as for him changing his mind about his "career" the reason that it would be considered a career is because you plan to do to that for a long time. Its not some short term thing that you get bored with and toss it aside.
H: i didn't mean to offend you. I was just tryin to figure out why you want to let him do it...
Me:I'm not LETTING him do anything. Im not his mother.
H:Ok. I still think its dumb what if he has to go to the hospital>
Me:Are you in kindergarten or something?? You sure sound like it.

Ok now I know that people do not have to agree with his decision. I never expected them too. But the next time some butt comes up and asks me "If I am supportive of the decision" or that I should tell him he can't i'm going to lose it. I don't understand why ANYONE would expect me to unsupportive of my Fiance. I mean im pretty sure that it says in the Bible that we are supposed to be... am I wrong?

Things just became different.

You know when you have that feeling that everything just changed? I mean like your life just flipped and is now going to go in a direction that you know nothing about??

Well I do! My fiance and I recently started discussing him going back in to the Army. I wasn't against it I just have a lot of questions about it. Some won't be answered until he actually re-enlists. When we first discussed it I told him how I felt about it and told him I would support him. And I will... But I think it REALLY just hit me that there is going to be so much that changes and I have NO control over any of it.

I know that life no matter where you are has things you can't control... but this is all new to me and nothing that I ever planned or thought about having as a future... I'm kind of freaking out about it. Now all of a sudden things that didn't affect me quite as much are now taking a huge space in my mind... like deployment, moving, and a ton of other things that I can't even decipher right now... I'm sure someone out there knows what I am talking about... I just don't know where to look. I do pray to God and I leave it in his hands that doesn't make me any less confused right now though

Life as an Army wife???

After yesterdays blog about our stupid argument I found out some interesting News. My hubby-to-be may be re-enlisting into the Army. He just got out last June and didn't want to re-enlist right away. Last night it became clear the he may be doing so right after our wedding.

It scares me. It excites me. It confuses me. But I support his decision no matter what it is. When we first started dating*a year ago today* he was in the army. But army life as a girlfriend and as a wife are different in most aspects. I didn't have to survive through a deployment. I didn't have to worry about him calling me because I saw hime when I wanted and talked to him when I wanted.

This all took me by surprise because I was under the impression that i was never going to happen. Any Army wives reading this?? If so got any advice for me???

Are you serious right now?

I'm not naive nor am I dumb. I know that relationships aren't perfect and I know there are going to be some stupid arguments... But does every single time we make plans with a certain friend have to be one of them?

Heres my case:

Brandon texts me to say "Hey Shahab wants to hang out this weekend. He wants to go out to dinner and then maybe get some drinks afterwards."
Me:"Ok that sounds good."
Brandon:"We can all three go to dinner and then you can go home and I'll hang out with him. I would love for you to come if you want to though"
Me:"OK? That made no sense... if you wanted me to come with why would you tell me I could go home after dinner?"
Brandon:" I Knew you wouldn't want to stay out all night."
Me:"Why do we have to stay out ALL night? Does that mean that you are staying the night there?"
Brandon:"We dont have to stay out all night if its going to be a problem. Ill just come home."
Me:"I never said that it was a problem I just didn't understand why I couldn't drive us home when everyone was ready to end the evening."
Brandon:"Why does this have to be an issue?"
Me:"This isn't an issue I am just trying to figure out what you are talking about."
Brandon:"We don't have to just forget it. We'll come home."
Me:"Brandon! What is your problem? I mean seriously right now? I just wanted to know why you were planning on staying the night I didn't care if you did I just wanted to know why."
Brandon:"I don't have to. I just wanted to. Its fun."
Me:"Ok then stay the night. Thats fine really. I don't care"
Brandon:"I said I wasn't going to stay the night."
Me:"Ok then don't stay the night. I don't care what you do I was only asking."
Brandon:"I have stayed it his house before and it was fun. I like going there and not having worrying about having somewhere else to be."
Me:"What the hell are you talking about now?"
Brandon:"I just don't want to have to be home by a certain time."
Me:"Have I ever given you a curfew? What are you five? I mean really grow up!"
Brandon:"I just don't want to feel like I have to be home early."
Me:"Brandon are you really being serious right now? I have NEVER told you, you had to be home by a certain time. I mean really. Stop being stupid about it."
Brandon:"There are going to be times I just want to go out without you."
Me:"OOOOH OMG are F-ing kidding me? I never ever make you take me anywhere. I like going out with my friends too remember?? When have I EVER told you that you couldnt? have I ever made you feel like you HAD to take me? "
Brandon:"No im just saying... I just want to hang out and chill. I want you to come though."
Me:"Are you drunk right now?? Do you even think about what you're saying??? Please leave me alone until you grow up a little."
Brandon:" I don't have to go out and get drunk I was just gonna go out with him. he wanted you to come too we just didn't think you'd want to..."
Me:" I am not having this conversation right now. Actually Im not having it ever again it is soooo stupid. I dont care if you go out or stay out or come home or whatever. DO what you want. I am not going because you have completely ruined the idea for me. Something I usually enjoy would now suck because you have Mind f*cked me over this whole conversation."


I mean this is literally how our conversation went I typed it word for word... Something that should have been fun for both of us turned into something stupid...

Rainy days suck mom!

"It's raining, it's pouring, the booty boop is whining!"
That's my new song for rainy days. My 17 month old loves to be outside. And usually I do too. I usually open the back door and let him go (WE have a locked fenced in back yard) But today the rain prevented my adventurous outdoors loving tot from going out and this is the look I got... "Puuhhhhlleeeasse mommy let me out?"


"pease pease pease look my truck is out there all alone!"

This is the look he gave me when he realized I wasn't letting him out. SO pitiful

He got over it quickly when he got a taste of his milk... (and maybe his favorite cartoon on tv too ok, ok, and a few teddy grahams Don't JUDGE ME! I'm not a bad mother I swear...)

This is his way of telling me he is mad at me.... Walking away.

Isn't it funny how I can remember having the same attitude with my own mother when she wouldn't let me out

Sorry Shay has stepped out for a moment...

Do you ever have times when you just feel out of it? I mean really out of it like where you can actually sit back and think about it and then say... "Wow I really wasn't quite with it was I?"

Lately that has been my state of mind. Everyone has been asking me about the wedding planning and I draw a complete blank. I can't answer anything not even something as simple as a date!! Whats wrong with me? I mean I used to be so, so, so with it! I could tell you everything you needed to know about the wedding, MY wedding, in the matter of a second. Now I'm just kind of like DUH! I literally sit there with a stupid grin on my face and I really have absolutely no idea what to say!

Or yesterday, My ex's current Gf called me to ask me where he was... My response of course was I don't know. Because I didn't. Well she then went into a really long conversation that lasted 15 minutes and all I remember from the entire thing is... "He's still stuck on you and I'm sick of it!" To which I replied "Well naturally. Of course." I don't remember anything else.

I also don't remember the conversation held with one of my bridesmaids about picking her up when all the girls go dress shopping. I mean I remember talking to her but I really don't remember what it was about. Its like my mind has put up a sign that says "Sorry Shay has stepped out for a moment, please come again soon."

It drives me nuts! I mean ME- A normally very organized, responsible person, who has a memory like an elephant.... ME I have completely stepped out of my own mind. Ok So the organized part can be better described as an organized mess but still I know where everything is even if no one else has a freaking clue. Leave me alone about it! A lot of good people are organized messes like myself... I'm sure of it!

Poor Brandon looked at me last night and asked me "Whats with you? Are you feeling ok?" I couldn't figure out what he was talking about. He told me that I keep forgetting little things like if I asked him to call his cousin for me about the hotel rooms when he claims he has told me several times that he has... Ok if you say so! I can't even remember taking my birth control. I mean I look at the pack and see the pill missing for the day and don't remember even touching it.

I am hoping that one day soon I will be back to my normal witty self until then I guess I will just sit quietly and smile at people, hopefully that will get me by.